I have 2 moms. The one who bore me. And the one who choose to raise me.
The one who bore me:
Left me behind and my little sister
Wanted me to help my mom babysit her kids while she works
You could say I hold a lot of resentment towards her
To me, she wanted me to raise her kids while she tries to live her life
The who raised me:
She is verbally abusive
Doesn’t want me to live my life, but for me to cater her needs and wants
But you see, I am college educated. I have seen the world outside of my own.
I have seen that someone is capable of loving me. That I am okay being my own self. My overweight probably obese body is okay.
Lately, my moms relationship and I have been rocky. I don’t know if it’s when she said she was ashamed of me and my weight.
Than my birth mother went out of her way to tell me that: 1) I shouldn’t beat up my mom, 2) that if I need a break I can love I with her and her family, for a few days then go back to my adoptive mother; 3) that I should take the verbal abuse and not say anything.
I have noticed that my birth mother uses these, “let’s come and talk (and at times eat” situations where she tries to tell me unfortunate things. So I have tried to avoid her and everything about her.
I don’t wanna be here. That is my truth. I deserve the best.
BTW, my adoptive mom is my maternal grandmother. I always feel like an unwanted baby. True, things could be worst. But I want and need to speak my truth. Because I am tired of hiding & lying about everything in my life, especially my feelings and emotions.
#verbalabuse #islandlife #smallcommunity
